


Some Morons Get Lost

by oblivionseight



Category: Camp Camp (Web Series)
Genre: Eventual Romance, F/M, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Insults
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-20 14:01:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20229031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oblivionseight/pseuds/oblivionseight
Summary: Pikeman gets lost looking for wood like a dumbass.Max, Sasha, and Petrol are sent into the woods to look for him.Max and Sasha care too much about reputation to confess that they care for each other. Petrol is here for comedic relief and some parenting.





	Some Morons Get Lost

“What a beautiful day!”  
Max could almost hear himself begging for eternal rest. If it weren’t for the fact that he’d get an even better chance to show David how much he hates camp, he would’ve revolted…. Again. As he watched the other campers set up the tents, he wondered why in the hell David thinks this was a good idea.  
Several things could go wrong even if Max wasn’t involved. The wood scouts could trick David into putting the fate of the camp into another bet, or the flower scouts could try to kill Nikki or kidnap Neil, or both opponents could be working together to wipe Camp Campbell off Lake Lilac. Either way, it would be entertaining to watch it all happen. He wouldn’t even need to lift a muscle to see shit go down.  
“Max, why aren’t you helping?”  
Max looked up at David and frowned, pointing at the mass of sweaty campers on the verge of heatstroke. “Yeah, how exactly do you expect me to do something?” Max pointed at the massive tent that had a built-in AC unit, made of soft pink silks and decorated in frilly ornaments. “And how did you get the flower scouts to agree to this shit? I mean, I get why the wood scouts agreed, but the flower scouts?”  
“Language,” David chided. “And, Max, just because the flower scouts hate the outdoors, doesn’t mean they shouldn’t participate. It was nice of them to accept our invitation.”  
“Uh, I’m pretty sure they aren’t your responsibility. Can you handle a bunch of lunatics?”  
David shook his head with a sad smile. “It’ll be alright, Max. Just try to have fun.”  
Max watched David leave to go and talk to Gwen.   
As the sunset behind the vast trees, Max watched the campers settle down. So far, nothing too extreme happened. The tents were set, and each camp had their plot of ground to avoid any fights. Camp Campbell was on one side, a line of six tents and one more tent for extra supplies. In the middle was the massive tent of pink silk. Max overheard Tabii talking to Erin about how they would share the main bedroom, and how they had their own living room, bathroom, and kitchenette, accompanied by wi-fi, an AC unit, and an endless supply of flower-scented bug repellent. Outside, they had pink lawn chairs set out in a perfect row in the shadow of an enormous umbrella. And lastly, the wood scouts. All they had were two tents, one they would sleep in, and the other one presumably dedicated to war tactics on how to steal Camp Campbell.  
In the center of all this hell was the bonfire, surrounded by logs and blankets where they’d sit down at night, look at the stars, and sing along to David’s camp songs, assuming they weren’t mauled by bears or Max didn’t try to kill David.  
“How did you get away without doing jack shit,” Neil asked, joining Max’s side on the log.  
Max shrugged. “Beats me. But hey, at least the camp’s set up.”  
“Yeah, no thanks to you.” Neil looked over to where Erin was, sitting on her lawn chair with Tabii next to her, both talking about something. “Can you believe I ever liked her?”  
Max didn’t need to ask about who Neil was talking about. “What I can’t believe is that you still won’t shut up about her.”  
“What are you talking about? She used me to get with Snake, of course, I’m still hung up about it. If anything, I should’ve gotten with him instead.” Neil shivered as a breeze tore through the sky, or maybe at the thought of dating Snake.  
“Why isn’t the fire lit,” someone complained.  
David hummed. “Hm, that’s strange. Pikeman said he was getting the firewood, why isn’t he back?”   
Max rolled his eyes. Leave David to answer a question with a question. “Well, can someone go look for the moron? It’s freezing.”  
“Great idea, Max! Why don’t you go?”  
Max’s eyes widened. The last thing he wanted was to end up on some crazy adventure looking for the sorry excuse of a senior wood scout named Pikeman. He should’ve kept his mouth shut, of course, David would volunteer Max for this type of shit. “No fucking way. There’s no fucking way I’m-”  
“Ugh, just do it, Max, we’re all fucking cold as shit, and you’re bitching isn’t getting me any warmer,” Sasha complained.  
“Well, then why don’t you go looking for him,” Max argued.  
“As if, you cretin. I’m not going in there.” She pointed into the dark woods, the cluster of trees where critters screeched into the void.  
“That’s it,” Gwen shouted. “Both of you are looking for that sack of shit. Petrol, do you mind going with them? You’re probably the only one who can do it without getting anyone killed.”  
Petrol nodded once and stood, waiting for Max and Sasha to follow. It didn’t seem so long ago that Max and Sasha had gotten lost on Spooky Island with Pikeman, and they learned that they shouldn’t be afraid to let others take the wheel. Neither of them seemed to forget about it either. Begrudgingly, Max stood up and didn’t bother waiting for Sasha.  
Together, they followed Petrol into the woods in search of the failed abor- Pikeman, in search of Pikeman.   
.  
“Ugh, we’ve been walking for hours. He’s probably dead by now.” Sasha stopped walking to sit on a log. “Can we just get some stupid sticks and go back?”  
Petrol shook his head, but he stayed in place to give Sasha a chance to rest.  
Max didn’t need to ask Petrol why he decided to come along. His undying loyalty for the godforsaken Pikeman made Max wonder if Petrol was okay, mentally.  
Petrol examined their surroundings, reaching into his pocket to pull out a flashlight. He shined the light into the thicket of trees, and Max swore he heard the rustle of a snake slithering away. Max walked over to Petrol, picking up a stick and using it to poke at the shrubbery. If a snake did pop up, Max had no doubt it would either kill them or fall victim to Petrol. As he kept poking the bush and Petrol kept shining the light, they heard an ungodly shriek.  
Max had forgotten Sasha was sitting on the log, helpful as ever. But now she was standing on top of it, swatting her hand at… a fucking snake.  
“Get this limp noodle bitch away from me!”  
Max didn’t even realize that he had stepped forward to intervene, not until Petrol pulled him back by his hoodie and gave a stern look. Stay put.  
The snake hissed and tried to strike at Sasha, who managed to get close enough to bitch slap the thing. The snake hissed and recoiled, but kept striking, and Sasha kept smacking.  
Petrol pulled out a switchblade, gave Max one more stern look, and pounced. Max watched Petrol wrestle the thing for a split second, and because the little shit didn’t follow rules because #badboyzrkewl, he walked forward.  
He took Sasha’s arm and pulled her back, away from the log and the big ass snake. Petrol kept fighting, with his fists because somehow the snake had disabled the meaty man. The prepubescent ringleaders watch the fight.  
Petrol swings at the snake, but the snake leans back and hisses. They do that for a while before Petrol throws a punch but pulls back at the last second. As the snake lurches forward, he grabs its head then snaps the jaw open. A sickening crunch is heard, and Max feels a bit of vomit creep up his throat. Sasha grimaces, then she picks up the forgotten switchblade and tosses it towards Petrol.  
Petrol catches the knife and cuts off the head, just for good measure.  
“I was just giving it back but go off I guess,” Sasha said.  
Petrol assured them he was okay when they asked, and the three stared at the snake, unsure of what to do. Petrol wanted to take it back for a meal. Sasha wanted to bury it, along with her fear. Max just wanted to go to bed.  
Max looked around, a chill creeping up his spine as the wind whips through his hair. He shivers. “Hey,” Max said, “We should head back to see if Pikeman showed up.”  
“And if he didn’t,” Sasha asks.  
“Not my problem. A mystery, maybe.”  
Petrol hesitates, but he nods in agreement. Together, they walked back to where the came from. They walked for nearly two hours; double the time it took them to walk to their first checkpoint with the snake.  
Max said nothing, and Sasha didn’t complain, but they both knew something was up. The fact that none of them spoke up earlier is kind of dumb, now that Max thought about it.  
“Hey, Petrol,” Max called.  
Petrol stopped walking, then turned back. Grunt.  
“We should’ve been back at camp an hour ago,” Sasha said.  
A ripple of worry flashed over Petrol’s face. He sniffed the air, felt the dirt, licked a leaf, then stood there. It occurred to Max and Sasha that even he didn’t know where they were. He looked at them and shrugged, eyebrows turned up in worry.  
What do we do now?  
“Well, shit. Might as well camp for the night.” Max collapsed on the ground, staring at the night sky.  
Sasha groans and bitches. Petrol nods and begins gathering supplies.


End file.
